The traditional reason was that a man would ask a father for his daughter's hand in marriage to state that he could afford a wife and maybe someday a family. It’s no surprise by now to say that many traditions surrounding everything about weddings, from the proposal to the ceremony itself, have changed somewhat. Asking for the bride's hand became popular in the 18th century, said Coontz, when "you could marry for love, but the men were still in charge of their daughters. More than likely, his daughter no longer lives under his roof and is already shacked up with her husband-to-be. Asking a father’s permission doesn’t make sense any more. Even recently, an Old Wykehamist friend was advised by his intended to turn up with his bank statements for her father to scrutinise. If, however your daughter or her boyfriend or believes this tradition is a nice touch that will help cement in-law favor, be prepared with ideas about how to respond to your future son-in-law. No parent wants to know that their daughter is going to have a life of poverty. He straight away said no, that he is marrying me, not my parents. Another part of this traditional process was that the groom would ask the father of the bride for permission to marry his daughter. Here's a modern girl's take on the tradition: how to ask her dad for his blessing — in a way that's right for HER. you did not ask his permission and then hers, you just asked his, and if he thought it was a good move he would give his daughter to you. Back then the decision was up to the bride’s father and not the bride. If he refused (and they often did back then), then that was the end of the courtship! In The Winslow Boy, by Terence Rattigan, John Watherstone asks his prospective father-in-law, Arthur Winslow, for permission to marry Catherine. Hey, I have been arguing with my bf lately. Other customs of initiating a marriage may include formal introduction of the partners to each other, such as the Japanese traditional custom of Miai. This involves more than a quick “Oh by the way, can I marry your daughter” during halftime. Many couples today feel that the old, time-honored titration of the hopeful groom asking a parent's permission to marry her daughter is antiquated. Asking father in law for permission to marry his daughter - Duration: 4:54. so ask her father for his blessings, and how much you cherish his daughter [your gf] The concept of the groom approaching his beloved’s parents and asking permission to marry their daughter may be old-school to some, but it is still widely entrenched in American society today. make your dreams come true, you know what im saying? The Mosaical law did not require that a father be asked to give permission to a man to marry his daughter, but it did give a father the right to halt a marriage that was forced because a man had raped an un-engaged woman (Exodus 22:16-17; Deuteronomy 22:28-29). The last thing you want to have happen is an additional strain to … The old rule goes all the way to a time when marriage was up to the bride’s family, not so much the bride herself. The decision on whether she will accept his hand in marriage is still up to her. Because, it is a … If I have a daughter in the future and a guy asked me, I'd imagine I'd take the piss out of him a d tell him to fuck off and ask my daughter because I don't have any say in her lovelife. In fact, 70 percent of proposers ask for parental permission to marry their partner. The ancient tradition of asking a woman’s parents for her hand in marriage can have significant importance to your daughter, especially if she is Christian. Asking the father's permission to marry his daughter is hopelessly outdated yet remains an absolute essential part of the rituals of marriage, says Rupert Uloth. Of course, that is not the case today. If the marriage did take place, the man was not allowed to divorce his wife for any reason. Asking a father’s permission for his daughter’s hand in marriage is one of them. i think you should talk to her father and not ask him for permission, but for his blessings. In today's modern world, couples often discuss marriage together, coming to a mutual agreement rather than a formal proposal. The father would then present his daughter’s hand to be joined in marriage. Many argue that the whole idea smacks of sexism and chauvinism and harks back to times when women were treated like chattel. it evolved into asking his permission and then hers, and now finally is done as a mark of respect to the parents/father. The groom would approach his future father-in-law and ask for his permission to marry his daughter. It is still considered a sign of respect that you ask the bride’s father, or mother, for their consent. I am caucastion and my american born chinese girlfriend and I live together and we are getting to the point that I want to ask her to marry me, and I know she will say yes. This is a fantastic question, and one that I’ve found myself asking for a little while now. The 3 Month’s Salary Rule. Today, I’m focusing on one tradition that has slowly faded: asking her father’s permission … A groom asking the father-in-law for permission to marry his daughter comes from a time when women had little autonomy. In fact, the tradition dates back all the way to biblical times. because if you both have made your mind up that your getting married, dont let her father make that not happen. There’s a deep tradition of men asking fathers for permission to marry their daughters. It is indeed traditional to ask a woman’s father if you can marry her, because traditionally, marriage was a property transfer – with you, the bride, as the property. Nor is the dad in the song the only one not exactly prioritizing etiquette. So, why is it that some men still feel the need to ask a father's permission to marry his daughter? If you want to marry my daughter, you bloody well ought to be able to pay for her, was the thinking. Some of you may consider this an antiquated tradition, but both my and Ashley's families are quite traditional, so this was an important rite of passage. They, likewise, will feel more comfortable granting approval to the marriage if you are not meeting them for the first time when asking their permission to marry their daughter. First comes love, then comes marriage… but in between, there’s a whole lot of traditions and decisions. Even with the change of context, the asking the father part of the tradition has maintained its relevance in a number of relationships. I think more of a heads up rather than asking permission would do if the person asking felt it necessary.” READ MORE: How to write a flawless father of the bride speech Father … One of the oldest rules of Proposal Etiquette 101 is for the groom to ask the bride-to-be’s father for permission to get married. I have a bit of a delimemma. Having said all that, it's pretty dumb to conclude that the guy is looking for money simply because of asking permission. Her parents live about 400 miles away and I have been in the mindset that you ask the parents for permission. Is it a quaint tradition that refuses to die out? Then, men had … The marriage, house, baby order rarely happens these days. One tradition that has been slowly fading away from Western society is asking a woman’s father for her hand in marriage. I have asked her what her parents would think, should we get engaged. A wet-behind-the-ears bachelor would be expected to discuss his finances with his prospective father-in-law. Aaron May 86,528 views. In many cultures it is traditional for a man to ask permission from a woman's father, in private, before proposing to her, or if her father has already died and she is still young, to ask permission of a near relation of hers. it comes from way back in the day when a girl was her fathers property. We are talking about getting engaged, I asked if he was gonna talk to my dad. Get ready for a shock… there is no legitimate historical reason for this particular tradition. If you have not had the opportunity to meet your girlfriend’s parents before deciding to ask them for her hand in marriage, wait until after you have to ask for their permission to marry. He however still refuses. I explained how it is the respectfull thing to do, and it is what my family does and he should also respect that. In 2014, the guys most likely to ask for permission are those least likely to need it. The decision to do it or not may cause some friction or strain depending on what your partner’s parents expect. “ Personally, I don’t think asking for permission is relevant anymore. By accepting the coin, the father has given the groom permission to marry his daughter. It is not really permission a man is seeking when he asks his future in-laws for their daughter’s hand in marriage; the man is honoring them by observing a long-lived tradition and showing them respect by pretending to ask their permission. 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